Buttsweat and Tears

Every time I go on vacation in a tropical place, the buttsweat is relentless the first few days. Usually some time during the first 24 hours I will feel a drop of water land on my ankle. I look up to find clear skies and realize that a drop of sweat just left one of my butthairs to land on my ankle. I think to myself, "hopefully I don't have a wet semi-circle around my ass like Cubby did in his tight junior year khakis." The worst part about it is not the sweat. It is realizing that in 2 days I will be in tears due to the crack chafing.