The Zen of Dumping: The Work Dump (2nd of a 3 Part Series)

Meditation can occur everywhere and anywhere, and the meditation that occurs during a Dump happens with the Dump. Across borders and races, everyone has a favorite place to meditate, to expel, to be happy.
The question is not where is your favorite place to
expel waste, but rather (and more poignantly) where do
you best experience the Zen of the Dump. It’s not the
action but the experience associated with the action.
That is what makes the Dump a beautiful wonder of
nature.

My most fulfilling experience usually occurs at 5670
Wilshire Blvd., 10th Floor, southwest corner. It’s a
wonderful little hide-a-way to escape the riggers of
the world, clear the mind, and just be. A simple
place where I easily, freely and calmly accept the
power and magic associated with such a Great Event.

It’s nothing fancy. A standard two and two system:
two urinals and two stalls. We have a handicap stall
and, for a lack of a better term, a non-handicap
stall. Most prefer the handicap stall, and
understandably so, since it is fully loaded with all
the bells and whistles: good acreage, well-lit for
reading, a handicap bar ‘built’ for hanging newspapers
and magazines, and the raised fixture boasts the
feeling of a King on a Throne. Great attributes for
the uninspired, but not for us few living for the
experience and seeking our own Zen.

The simpler, smaller, non-handicap stall provides me
everything I need. Darker and more intimate provides
a calm and soothing effect, and the close walls and
lower fixture provide more leverage. And leverage
matters in this game.

With such an arrangement as mine, will and
concentration are often tested by temptation and
distractions. The most trying and challenging is the
occupancy of the next stall, often generating noises
and smells, all which attempt to steer me from my
path. The prostrate problem people provide another
test of will and potential loss of faith as these
people are not true believers in the Zen of Dumping.
These ‘stall urinaters’ grunt and moan in the stall as
if they are truly in the moment of Zen, but instead
they are merely occupying a sanctuary of peace while
they force out what sounds like a small, lonely splash
of pain. It’s after these uninspired individuals in
which I gather all my strength, refocus, and get back
on the path to enlightenment.

Although we all have our own special place, we must
not forget that with every Dump, no matter where it
occurs, we are graced with another chance, another
opportunity, to practice our Zen. An opportunity to
get one roll closer to reaching nirvana. It’s a
special occasion that should not be taken lightly and
be used to better ourselves as people and as God’s
children. Much like engaged couples only survive if
they are in it for the marriage and not the wedding,
the Zen only survives if you are in it for the
experience and not the action. Stay focused my
friends, and do not lose your way. I have faith in you.