Extra!! Extra!!

This just out. McDonald's has lifted its zitface-only employee policy(familiarly known as the ZFOEP). After years of discrimination, acne-free 16 year olds are now allowed to sling McDLTs at the Golden Arches! The policy was introduced in the 70's when Ronald and the Gang discovered zitfaces were more likely to be unpopular and therefore, more likely to show up for work.

Pressure on the Fortune 500 Franchiser to ban the ZFOEP had been rising in recent weeks due to other industry's hiring changes. In 2002, NYC Yellow Cab started hiring cabbies with limited-to-no body odor. Iranian-Americans were obviously upset. In addition, many coffee houses have admitted they are now hiring non-molested pourers and cashiers. Starbucks CEO states flatly, "We just ran out of talent. So we hired depressed kids, died their hair blue, and gave them nose rings. Problem solved."

The good news is that the Civil Rights Movement is finally starting to pay off. People like Billy Wuznup(see Trainee in picture) are finally able to get their career started. He applied for a Fryer position in early 2001 and got shut down. "I went on an interview, but they denied me. I showed them my buttzits, but it was not enough. They had to be on the face." Anyway, that is in the past and Billy has a bright future ahead of him!